1 Down, 9 To Go
Yesterday was our first of 10 foster parenting classes. The sheer amount of paperwork and personal information rivals car and home buying! Our emotions have been ranging from excitement to uncertainty, and in some cases, when I look at my husband, something resembling terror.
Fostering is something I've wanted to do for so long, but now that we're in it, insecure questions are popping up daily in my head. Can we do this? Can we be good parents, even for a short time? What would happen if we had the chance to adopt? Will we be able to give back a child we've bonded with and find a way to move past the heartbreak that is almost a certainty?
My last question is one that I think about more than any other. Unselfishly loving a child, knowing that there will most likely be a time when I will have to let them go. Could I do it once, let alone multiple times?
The past few weeks of prayer for me have been an overwhelming show of God's security and love, and I've heard Him speak to me more than ever. But this particular time wasn't the loving words or nudges I was used to, at least that's not how it seemed to me at first! He wants us to endure the hardest parts of foster care. I kept seeing a picture in my head of kids coming in, us loving on them, and then them leaving. Over and over again. It was an unbearable heartache, and it wasn't even happening yet. I kept thinking "I can't do this" and then all at once felt an almost peaceful calm feeling come over me. I can do this. We can do this. Fiercely loving on kids that may not have known what that is yet in their lives. Praying boldly over their lives, and the lives of their parents. Trusting that God will heal our broken hearts, and through the brokenness and healing we'll be able to see Him more clearly.
